I was intrigued by the recent WSJ article, “The ‘Finance Bro' Uniform Is a Fleece and Khakis. For Female Execs, It's Not That Simple,” which has LOT to talk about (including, I kid you not, talk of women's water bottles). We've discussed this before, sharing tips on what to wear to work in Silicon Valley and pondering what the “casual-but-professional” uniform is for women… but not in a while. So let's discuss:

Are you in a field where the men dress casually but uniformly (e.g., gray hoodies, fleece vests, blue button-front shirts with the sleeves pushed up…)? How do your female colleagues dress — is there a similar uniform? Do you feel like there is a consensus among women on the level of formality, at least? What would you advise a young woman who, perhaps, interacted with mostly men dressed in one of these uniforms to wear on her first week to the office?

Water Bottles Are Apparently a Sign of Success for Women

Some quotes from the article (gift link) — first, on water bottles, because I must:

Trying to spot a woman in finance? Start with her water bottle. “You almost never see guys in our office carrying them around,” [one female CFO noted]. Women value luxury versions of the reusable bottles for both their status and sustainability, the 46-year-old said. Popular designs are covered with Swarovski crystals or leather, like those from Laksen that retail for $140 each.

A luxury sipper is just one sign of success for women who hold C-suite finance jobs, a demographic that is growing but still makes up just 18% of top executives in the industry, according to the World Economic Forum.

I mean… readers here have largely scoffed when we discussed “professional water bottles,” which is the way it would be in an ideal world — your water bottle wouldn't and shouldn't matter. But: to see the WSJ decree that sparkly water bottles are a “sign of success” is something else! This is the same publication that suggested that only a $4000 outfit (with bag!!) would do for working from home, and more recently has said that sequins and multiple piercings are “power moves” for women executives, so… OK!

What the WSJ Says Women Should Wear When Working With Finance Bros

Moving on:

Female financial leaders have created their own visual code to telegraph their power. “You have to both conform to the norms and defer,” explained Mariana Dahan, a director at the World Bank. At least up to a point.

While “showy” designer suits could seem desperate, she says, a “dull” uniform of gray slacks and a blouse could appear middling. The trick, Dahan noted, is sticking with a basic, expensive uniform, “and then doing a few things that will set you apart.” 

The WSJ suggests things including a boss blazer, a “subtle” watch, “status flats,” and a “sumptuous” tote. BUT: never denim.

One thing “finance bros” get away with at work that women can’t? “Jeans!” said Dahan. “I could never wear them and seem as successful.” Men also require far fewer clothes to send the same signals of wealth. “They can wear the same suits for a week. No one notices,” said Kolossa. “Women could perhaps wear the same suit for two days, but it will be noted.” By the finance bros? “No. By everybody.”

Yikes! OK.

(We have, of course, suggested items in each of those categories — mostly in our tips on how to get C-suite style — and I'll link them at the bottom of this post.)

But let's discuss! Are you in a field where the men dress casually but uniformly? What would you advise a young woman who, perhaps, interacted with mostly men dressed in one of these uniforms to wear on her first week to the office? What do you wear to the office? Do you agree with the “no denim” rule?

(AND: What is your favorite water bottle?!)

Our Picks for C-Suite Style

Boss Blazers

Hunting for a luxe statement blazer? 2024 favorites include Smythe, include McQueen, L'Agence, Veronica Beard, The Fold, Armani, and Anine Bing.

Status Flats

If you want to make an investment in flats, these are some of the most classic options. AGL and Ferragamo are reader favorites for comfort, while Chloé, Chanel and Valentino are all recognizable status symbols.

Sumptuous Totes

As of 2024, some of our latest favorite luxury work bags (large enough to hold papers and a laptop!) include Bottega Veneta, Mulberry, Saint Laurent, Kaai, and Demellier. Of course, note that a lot of our readers who are in big jobs note that they love their (more affordable) Lo & Sons bags, as well as their Tumi.

Looking for work backpacks to splurge on? Montblanc, MCM and Senreve (also!) are great, and readers are always huge fans of all things Tumi. Some of our favorites…

Other Splurges To Consider When You're the Boss (and Paid Accordingly)

These are my picks for where I'd shop if money was no object…

• cashmere: InHabit NY, Loro Piana, Akris, TSE, Brora, & Eric Bompard
• basic blazers: Smythe, McQueen, L'Agence, Veronica Beard, The Fold, Armani
• dramatic blazers for speaking/Big Days: Akris, The Fold, IRO, L'Agence, Smythe, Etro, and Ray Darten (we've also done a roundup of dramatic blazers you can buy at Etsy!)
• Chanel-style jackets: Chanel, St. John, IRO, L’Agence, Sandro
• dresses: Roland Mouret, Victoria Beckham, DVF, Akris, St. John, Burberry
• pants: Lafayette 148 New York, Theory, Akris, St. John
• coats: Fleurette, Cinzia Rocca, Mackage
• bags: Loewe, Bottega Venetta
• jewelry: Ylang 23, Bergdorf Goodman,
• shoes: Ferragamo, Manolo, Choo, Valentino, Louboutin (but please know your office before considering thick platforms or 4″+ heels), Aquazzura, Sarah Flint, Prada, and Miu Miu (one of the favorites in our Newbie Guide to Designer Shoes)
• weatherproof shoes: Aquatalia, La Canadienne

Stock photo via Pexels / Alena Darmel.

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When you're at a post-work happy hour with coworkers, or another office event that involves alcohol, and you choose not to drink, it can sometimes (sadly enough) get tricky. Readers once had a helpful discussion in the comments about how to fake drinking at work events, and we thought we'd round up their advice today.

Readers, do tell: When you feel it's necessary, how do you fake drinking at work events?

While some readers said they didn't really see the need to pretend to drink when coworkers are imbibing, others commented that they've had colleagues who continue to urge them to have a drink even after they've declined — or try to find out exactly WHY they're they're skipping alcohol (what a pain!).

In fact, one commenter shared that some acquaintances closely monitored her after her wedding for signs she might be pregnant (far beyond just skipping alcohol), while another reader commented, “To those questioning whether this is still a thing for full-grown adults? Yes. Very much yes. Especially in the law firm world of Old Boys.” One reader shared, “I’ve personally been asked many times point blank if I’m pregnant because I wasn’t drinking.”

The tips below can help in all sorts of situations — whether you want to avoid alcohol because you're pregnant (or trying to conceive), or you're cutting out alcohol to lose weight, or you're sober / in recovery. Or maybe you simply don't drink!

{related: 10 great mocktail recipes for Dry January}

How to Fake Drinking at Work Events

Readers shared a ton of suggestions for mocktails and other options to fake drinking and thwart those curious (read: nosy) coworkers.

As one reader noted. “It’s really all about the glassware. You could also do ginger ale in a champagne flute, cranberry juice in a martini glass with Cosmo garnish, etc.”

Here are some drink possibilities from readers:

• Club soda & lime
• Club soda & cranberry
• Cranberry & lime
• Faux Jack & ginger: ginger ale & lime
• Faux rum & coke: Coke & lime
• Virgin mojito
• Virgin Cosmo
• Virgin Moscow Mule — no one will know what's in that copper mug!
• Virgin Bellini or virgin mimosa: “Have the bartender switch soft apple cider for the Prosecco, or lemon soda or something if they don’t have apple cider,” one reader suggested.
• Virgin Sea Breeze: cranberry & grapefruit
• Root beer or ginger beer that has a beer-style bottle/label

{related: Dry January: why I'm doing it again — and what to drink instead}

Readers, please share your favorite mocktails — or any other ways to get nosy coworkers off your back so you can enjoy your nonalcoholic drink in peace.

Stock photo via Stencil.

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Here's a question to discuss today: What are your best tips to find a job that aligns with your values? Do you think it matters? What about if there's a difference between the way leadership thinks and the way your specific office and colleagues do?

We've talked about how to ask about job-life balance during your interview, but not this.

A Story

A long time ago (before law school!), I interviewed for a position at a journalism startup. I had the interview and it went well, but while doing research after the interview, I realized that the startup was very very (very) closely associated with a political organization.

The fact that they hadn't mentioned this, at all, during the interview or explanation of what the startup would be seemed… really bizarre to me. What if I didn't share the values of this political organization? Were they trying to actively hide it? Would the entire “journalism” team just be a glorified PR team?

It made me suspicious of the whole startup, to be honest, so I withdrew my name. (I'm glad I didn't go further because they also lost several clipbooks from other young journalists I knew… This was a huge deal at the time because a lot of these books contained newspaper and magazine clippings and other bylines that you literally couldn't get anywhere else.)

How to Find a Job That Aligns With Your Values

With a startup it may be harder to see what the job and company will become… but with established employers, there are a few ways to try to figure out whether the job aligns with your values.

Research the company's charitable history to see if the company has made donations to private foundations or political organizations, or bought tables at charitable galas. Nonprofits don't have to disclose donors, but a lot of times they will thank their donors, or a company social media feed may reveal an “official” company outing big gala or the like.

Look at any pro bono work or other “extra” work that the company is making a point of highlighting.

Ask your network what the company's values are.

Recognize that there may be a difference among what the VIPs in the company support — and ask the questions to determine how big of a deal this is for you. I've even worked in some offices where the VIPs are on polar opposite ends of the spectrum — and the firm looked at it as a positive because it showed there was no bias one way or the other from a company-wide perspective.

Ask the boring HR questions. Depending on what your values are, you might be able to determine some things from HR-related inquiries. Does the company insurance cover things like fertility treatments? How much paternity and maternity leave does the firm give? What other employee benefits and perks does the company provide?

Over to you, readers — have you tried to find a job that aligns with your values, or have you just tried to avoid a job that clashes with your values? How can you tell at the job application stage, at the interview stage, and beyond?

Stock photo via Stencil.

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Here's a bit of an odd question today: how sensitive are you to body language, at work and beyond? For example, do you feel like you can pinpoint a mansplainer from across the room by how he sits, or if he strikes certain poses? Do you feel like adopting certain body language helps smooth communication in unspoken ways? Do you avoid certain body language (hands on hip, arms crossed) because you feel like it has negative connotations?

We've talked about how to get a poker face at work, as well as discussed the (now-debunked, I believe) myth of the power pose as a way to overcome imposter syndrome… but I don't think we've talked about this.

Here's the basis for my question: many, many moons ago I was in an interview with a fellow who rested both hands on his head, leaned back, and proceeded to be a complete jerk to me. Hilariously (to me, at the time at least), he had an assistant sitting in on the interview, and when The Jerk adopted this pose, so did the assistant (who was also male).

(In my memory his hands were clasped on top of his head, not behind his head, but the stock photo is close enough…)

Was the assistant conscious of this mirrored pose? Was he doing it intentionally to try to say, “I'm one of you,” or perhaps “I'm more like you than she is.” Was the initial pose a play for dominance or something, in that he was taking up space? Had he decided at some point in his youth that this was a “thoughtful” pose, and he pulled it out for moments when he had Opinions to Share?

On my end, I kind of wondered what would happen if I also adopted the pose while sitting in the interview. Would we all start laughing about it? Would they think I was mocking them? Or would they not even realize I had done it and yet slowly begin to think “hey, I liked her more than I thought.”

In the many years since this interview (which I did not nail), I have often thought about this pose and that interview.

I'll admit I have adopted it in some rare situations, primarily in situations like the one in which I first experienced The Pose — I'm forced to be sitting with someone in an interview or work situation, and I don't like the person or what they're saying, so I just casually put my hands on my head and lean back.

In my mind I am saying all of the things that I felt that interviewer was saying to me long ago — isn't it cute that you have opinions? can we end this thing yet? wow you're still talking — but maybe that long ago interview has forever soured me on The Pose, and perfectly normal, thoughtful people adopt The Pose all the time.

So — weird question, yes — but what body language communicates something to you? People who stand way too close to talk to you, people who spread their legs when they sit to take up more space, people who put their hands on their heads and lean back? Do you sometimes find yourself adopting certain people's body language in intentional ways?

On the flip side, do you avoid some body language because in your mind it's communicating something bad? For example, putting your hands on your hips, crossing your arms — I feel like even arranging your face a certain way to avoid RBF kind of fits this description.

Stock photo via Deposit Photos / Wavebreakmedia.

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Readers recently had a great discussion about how to survive a merger, so I thought we'd round up some of their tips…

The original question asker identified herself as a manager in a small to medium company undergoing a merger/acquisition. She noted that she was staying on, but she'd never been through an acquisition before.

Readers chimed in with great tips…

How to Survive a Merger

Be Flexible

Don't be adverse to change, those people get cut first.

Manage Up to Prove Your Worth and Set Boundaries

Make sure you manage up well, because the acquiring company is always looking to find redundancies and cut expenses — in other words, anticipate that you're going to have to prove your job/team's necessity to the company, while also keeping boundaries so your team doesn't absorb too much other work.

Prepare Your Resume, and Expect a Wave of Layoffs

“Keep your resume fresh, retention tends to be short lived.” Another commenter agreed with this, noting:

No matter what the acquiring company says to the employees of the acquired company, they have no loyalty to anyone and may not “wait until the dust settles” before making cuts. Promises are just words, and if the company thinks they can save ten dollars by cutting someone (or a team, or entire division) they likely will. OP should update her resume and review her network in preparation to start networking, and keep her eyes and ears open.

Make Friends and Allies at the Other Companies — Avoid a Turf War

One reader groaned that this had been her entire career, and gave some truly amazing advice:

1) Expect a wave of layoffs. Probably not your team, but it will happen somewhere- usually in obviously duplicative roles like finance, HR, and sometimes marketing.

2) Ask for transparency from your boss, and be transparent with your team. Make sure your team knows you have their back.

3) Make new friends and allies at the other companies. Don’t let things become a turf war. The more you can create allies the better you will fare as things progress. I’ve seen senior leaders get into p*ssing contests over the dumbest stuff. Some of my more successful career moments were when I could make things happen within the politics of the organization.

4) Related to #3, learn about NewCo! Try and really understand their products/services, and come up with ideas for how you can be “better together” if that’s the play. I got a 5 digit bonus the year I put together a cross sell map for our company and our newly merged asset. It got handed over to sales and just took off. This was in the works, but I got it done fast, really understood the products and the applicable cross sales targets, and made several good friends in sales.

Generally, expect rebranded everything, some leaders on edge, and other changes.

Prepare for Cultural Changes

Yet another commenter noted that she'd had a great experience in terms of retention when her company was acquired, but, she warned,

Things I wasn’t quite ready for were cultural changes. Despite being what I’d consider a medium sized company, we were very tight knit. Decisions were not bogged down by process or people you didn’t know by name (Thinking HR, IT, leadership, etc). We are now part of a behemoth global company and it’s just…. different. We lost a lot of that culture of feeling small and tight knit. Our division is still relatively in tact but there’s no way to shut out the corporate overlords, policies and procedures that feel exhaustive at times.

Readers, do you have any tips to add on how to survive a merger? Have you survived a merger or acquisition? What do you wish you'd known beforehand?

Stock photo via Stencil.

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There was an interesting thread on Reddit a while ago about job perks — readers, what employee benefits and perks does your company offer, and how are you optimizing these perks? There are, after all, a TON of them out there — I was blown away compiling this list!! — and there's a lot of money involved.

In the past, we've discussed how many vacation days we get, and tech budgets, and (eons ago) we had a guest post from my friend Sue on how she saves $10,000 a year by maxing out her work benefits, including her flex-spending account, commuter spending account, and dependent care spending account… but we haven't talked about employee benefits and perks too much. So let's discuss!

Here are the questions:

• Which of the following perks do you get automatically?
• Which perks were not automatic — you needed to be employed there for a certain amount of time, you had to get to a certain level within the company, you negotiated something different than your coworkers, etc.
• How do you find information about perks and benefits — word of mouth? Is there a portal, or just an HR department, or just lengthy paperwork you got on Day 1?
• Have you negotiated for any of these perks (either for a new job or as part of a promotion)? If you were choosing among multiple job offers (such as after finishing law school or grad school), how much did the employee benefits factor into your equation?
• What employee benefit or perk is your favorite? Will you try to negotiate for it if/when you leave your current company?
• What would your advice be to someone just starting who has the same perks you have?

Employee Benefits & Perks You Might Be Getting

Stuff You Probably Know About

• remote / hybrid policies and arrangements
• vacation days, “closed office” holidays, half-day Fridays, sick leave, and other PTO
• fully paid or discounted health insurance: You probably don't even identify this as a benefit unless you're comparing your employer's plan to the marketplace. I was surprised by how many people in the Reddit post said their health insurance is 100% paid by their company, often for the employee and dependents, sometimes the employee's entire family!)
• 401k contribution or match (or a pension): Some companies contribute 3% (for example) automatically, regardless of whether or not the employees contribute to their 401k; others will match up to a specific dollar amount.
• professional development funds / education reimbursement
• access to a Flexible Spending Account or a Health Savings Account
• signing bonuses, year-end bonuses, other bonuses
• company stock or equity: Sometimes “phantom stock benefits” — one Redditor described it as shares appointed that have no value unless the company goes public one day, but it seems like the phrase typically means a form of compensation that tracks the company's actual stock, but without giving equity in the company, as described in this Smart Asset article.
• relocation package or reimbursement for moving expenses (One friend's relocation package even included broker help with selling their home!)
• Employee Assistance Programs: You may not know that EAPs typically provide more than mental health services. Offerings may also include legal advice, assistance with financial issues, referrals to childcare and other family supports, and more.

Other Health-Related Perks

• free or discounted therapy sessions
• Health Advocate services
• executive physicals (such as those mentioned in this PartnerMD article)
• free/discounted gym memberships, free ClassPass memberships
• disability benefits
• life insurance policies
• “earned perks” such as $25 if you walk 10,000 steps or work out for 30 minutes for X days in a particular month
• pet health insurance

Note also that employers can often choose what the company plan will and will not cover, or create different tiers of employees. For example, one of my employers did not cover birth control pills (until the women rioted, ha) — and there's been a lot in the news lately about whether insurance plans cover weight loss drugs)

Parental and Family Planning Job Perks

• maternity and paternity leave: Note that the FMLA only applies if your company employs 50+ people.
• on-site daycare or childcare stipend
• dependent care flexible savings accounts (such as those described by this Investopedia article)
• family planning reimbursement (e.g., freezing your eggs)
• bereavement leave (sometimes pet bereavement leave, also!)

{related: How to Negotiate Future Maternity Leave Before You're Even Pregnant}

Benefits You Can Taste

• snacks, soda, juice, etc., in the breakroom
• discounted / free office cafeteria for lunch
• reimbursement for dinner when working late / on weekends

Moving Fast: Job Perks for Travel

• cars home when working late / on weekends
• travel perks, upgrading your airline and hotel statuses
• reimbursement (partial or full) for mass transit, parking, gas

Mo' Money: Smaller Job Benefits

• tech reimbursement or “remote work stipends”
• discounted rates on mobile phone services, home internet, equipment such as iPhones
• discounted tickets (theater, theme parks, etc.) and museum memberships
• “cool office” perks: game rooms, private movie rooms, kombucha-on-tap, etc.
• company merch

Stock photo via Deposit Photos / zimmytws.

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