Burnout - Corporette.com https://corporette.com/category/careerism/burnout/ A work fashion blog offering fashion, lifestyle, and career advice for overachieving chicks Tue, 26 Sep 2023 18:43:22 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.5 https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/corporette-favicon-150x150.png Burnout - Corporette.com https://corporette.com/category/careerism/burnout/ 32 32 Disengaging Instead of Quitting (vs. Leaning Out vs. Work-Life Balance) https://corporette.com/disengaging-instead-of-quitting/ https://corporette.com/disengaging-instead-of-quitting/#comments Thu, 17 Feb 2022 18:26:00 +0000 https://corporette.com/?p=127869

Have you ever disengaged from work instead of quitting? Where are the boundaries between disengaging, leaning out, and having healthy work/life balance -- and is there business etiquette associated with them?

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young professional woman looks down at a large sign she's holding; the word WHATEVER is written on the sign

A few weeks ago I saw an interesting Twitter thread from Business Insider about how, while there's much being written right now about “the Great Resignation,” there's actually something more common happening around the globe with workers: disengagement.

They posited that instead of outright quitting, people were disengaging with their work — phoning it in, not taking on as many projects as they could, feigning being busy. (Acting like there's more to life than career! The nerve!) I thought it was a really interesting topic — particularly when set against what a lot of us probably think about now as “leaning out” (or even just general work-life balance!!) — so let's discuss.

Have you ever disengaged from work instead of quitting? Have you ever managed someone who disengaged from work instead of quitting? Where are the boundaries between disengaging, leaning out, and having healthy work-life balance — and is there a business etiquette associated with them? (And how does all of this compare to burnout?)

Psst — they're also calling this “quiet quitting“!

Some great quotes (all taken from their Twitter stream because the story is behind a paywall)…

What leaders don't grasp is that their turnover problem goes beyond employees finding new opportunities.

Companies are actively driving their white-collar workers away by presuming that employees are still thinking the way they did before the pandemic: that their jobs are the most important things in their lives. … [but] many workers [have begun] to question the validity of their career as an identity.

Though the unemployment rate has stabilized from the uncertainty of the pandemic, Gallup found that employee engagement dropped in 2021 for the first time in a decade.

Only about a third of employees reported being actively engaged in their work.

I recognize this from my own work history, to be honest, although I would have called it “treading water” instead of being disengaged. At a certain point in my legal career I decided other matters took priority, and instead of Striving! to! Make! Partner! or even looking for a better job for the long run, I just… treaded water at my BigLaw job. I did the work assigned to me without being overly concerned about my ultimate hours. I still worked late, still did good work (on good cases, for the most part; I was very lucky in my career!) and still got my full bonuses … but it was a far, far cry from the Go-Getter attitude I'd had all during law school and the first year or two of practice. (I would not advise this in the BigLaw of today… I could kind of get away with it way back when because business was booming.)

I remember thinking at the time that this was the natural way of things — a sign of adulthood, even — that instead of trying to “go hard” the way I'd gone in law school, I should recognize that my career has a longer timeline, and that my career shouldn't be the only thing in my life. (I actually used to have the mantra “My job is not my career is not my life.”) It was me trying to find some semblance of work-life balance, for the first time ever in my life. (I also have some shame in even telling you guys this, even though so many years have passed — like I was doing something wrong by not Striving Super Hard to be the best third year associate to ever third year associate!)

I'm really interested to hear what you guys think about this. For my own $.02, I'd define these slight but important differences:

  • Treading water / being mildly disengaged / “prioritizing work-life balance”: Doing the work required of you but nothing more — “keep the job” instead of “advance the career” kind of thinking. I'd hopefully think most pandemic-related work disruption would fall into this category, e.g., as parents manage erratic school schedules / sick family members / disruption of regular care schedules.
  • Being burned out: Being unable to engage with work at the level to which you'd like to because you actively need to prioritize self-care, sleep, Life Outside of Work-type things to reconnect with yourself — “Who am I and what am I doing here?” kind of thinking, with job/career being totally secondary.
  • Leaning out; Similar to treading water but perhaps with a set end date (baby's second birthday, for example, or birth of a second child); hopefully done intentionally enough that there's a conversation with management about flexible work, reduced hours, etc. “Pause/decrease the job in a way that leaves you an on-ramp back to full job/advancing career” kind of thinking.
  • Disengaging instead of quitting: Intentionally doing as little work as possible, feigning being busy, and taking every shortcut necessary. Think George Costanza. I would call this kind of thinking “indifference to end of career/job.”

Readers, what are your thoughts? (And are there other categories that you would add in this list — go-getters who are striving to prove themselves at the job? Movers who are intentionally trying to level up their career by seeking a new job or more responsibilities/titles at their current job?) Do you think workers should signal to their managers as they move in and out of these different attitudes toward work, or that business etiquette dictates that conversations be had?

If you've managed people in any of these categories, were there red flags for you as a manager — and how did you handle that? For readers who recognize themselves as being disengaged or treading water, how did you reengage or “start swimming” again?

Stock photo via Shutterstock / Dean Robot; “whatever” in font Perfect Redemption.

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The Right Way to Take a Mental Health Day https://corporette.com/the-right-way-to-take-a-mental-health-day/ https://corporette.com/the-right-way-to-take-a-mental-health-day/#comments Mon, 08 Nov 2021 19:18:40 +0000 https://corporette.com/?p=123609

Readers, what say you -- what is the right way to take a mental health day? If you've taken a mental health day at work, what was your technique? If you manage people, what have you seen others doing that strikes you as the "right way" to take a mental health day?

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woman walking along sunny path with her arms on top of her head looking a bit overwhelmed

What is the “right way” to take a mental health day? I've seen a LOT in popular media lately that I'm having kneejerk reactions to as NOPE, but I'm not sure the “old” way to take a mental health day is correct either. So let's discuss.

To back up a bit: we already discussed generational divides in the workplace and the recent NYT story, “38-Year-Olds are Afraid of their 23-Year-Old Employees.” But one quote from the story, I think, deserves its own post:

Ali Kriegsman, 30, co-founder of the retail technology business Bulletin, wasn’t sure, in the past, how to respond when her Gen Z employees insisted on taking days off for menstrual cramps or mental health: “Hey I woke up and I’m not in a good place mentally,” went the typical text message. “I’m not going to come in today.” Instinctively Ms. Kriegsman wanted to applaud their efforts to prioritize well being — but she also knew their paid time off could undercut business.

I had a visceral reaction to reading that. I've felt those emotions myself (overwhelmed, anxious, depressed), but I still feel like that's not the way you take a “mental health day.”

I also saw a Facebook meme that said, “I want us to normalize ‘I cannot work today because I am not in the mental space to engage with others' and that be okay.” Which — yeah! As a person with feelings I totally agree with that. BUT… society (and most businesses) just do not run that way.

In my day (I'm a Xennial born in 1977), if you weren't in the mental space to engage with others, you called in sick with a vague ailment and worked from home that day. If you had to go in because Reasons, you put on your resting bitch face, shut the door to your office if you needed to, and played Solitaire on the computer until you had to do something for real.

It looks like back in 2018, Alison at Ask a Manager would have agreed with me:

With “mental health days” — meaning a day that you take off to relieve stress/avoid burnout or when you just can’t face the world — say that you’re “under the weather” or “a bit ill.” You can’t really call up and say, “I can’t bear the thought of coming into work today,” but you also shouldn’t make up a hacking cough. It's fine to just be vague. (In fact, it’s fine to be vague even when you have an actual sickness like the flu or horrific diarrhea or whatever. Decent managers will accept “I’m sick today and won’t be in” rather than expecting or even wanting a detailed list of your symptoms.)

Just since 2018, though, I feel like there's been a lot of movement in this space, particularly with noteworthy people normalizing the concept of being proactive about you mental health. Simone Biles, Naomi Osaka, and other celebrities have recently made headlines for advocating for mental health awareness, for example.

If you think you're going to need a lot of mental health days, it might be worth looking into workplace accommodations, which may be available for “psychiatric disabilities.” (Verywell Mind has a list of those disabilities.) Here's some further reading on it from the U.S. Department of Labor — it lists accommodations (such as sick leave, more breaks), modifications (private offices, room dividers), equipment requests (white noise, organizer programs), job duties (removal of non-essential job duties, division of large assignments into smaller tasks and goals), and management accommodations (positive reinforcement, more frequent meetings, additional forms of communication), etc.

So I guess these are my tips:

The Right Way to Take a Mental Health Day

  1. If it's last minute and unplanned, call in sick with a vague ailment (“I'm not feeling well today” works!) and promise to do what you need to from home. (This may mean check your email every 4 hours or so to make sure balls aren't dropped and urgent questions are forwarded to someone else.)
  2. If you anticipate that you'll need frequent mental health days, seek accommodations and modifications pursuant to the Department of Labor's list above. (Or, as commenters have noted, just schedule a PTO day off.)

(Obviously, if it's planned vacation or other anticipated leave (e.g., maternity, surgery, etc) then set your out of office email and enjoy whatever time off means for your office — in some offices that still means checking email once a week or so, so know your office.)

Readers, what say you — what is the right way to take a mental health day? If you've taken a mental health day at work, what was your technique? If you manage people, what have you seen others doing that strikes you as the “right way” to take a mental health day?

Stock photo via Stencil.

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4 Sneaky Signs of Burnout https://corporette.com/4-sneaky-signs-of-burnout/ https://corporette.com/4-sneaky-signs-of-burnout/#comments Mon, 10 Feb 2020 18:32:27 +0000 https://corporette.com/?p=100478

What are your early, sneaky signs of burnout, readers -- and what do you differently when you notice the signs?

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professional woman with her head in her hands, sitting in front of a keyboard, phone, pencil cup and coffee

Everyone gets burned out from time to time — particularly if you have an intense job that demands a lot of time and energy. By the time you finally realize, GOD, I'M BURNED OUT, though, you've probably blown past a zillion smaller signs of burnout that might have helped you see you needed to take a little extra me-time, schedule a vacation or some other experience to look forward to, or go to bed earlier. It's been years since we last discussed battling burnout, so I've rounded up some of my personal sneaky signs of burnout — but I'd love to hear yours, readers! What are your early warnings that you're getting burned out, ladies? What do you do differently when you recognize that burnout is on the horizon?

I would call these all “early signs of burnout” because to me, full-blown burnout involves stronger emotions like anger at the demands of the job/task, a very quick temper, and avoidance. But that's another interesting question for discussion — do you think of burnout as a spectrum? What differentiates early burnout from full-blown burnout? 

1. Sneaky Sign of Burnout #1: Lack of Focus

The biggest sign of burnout that I notice is lack of focus on things that I should be able to focus on or even enjoy. I may feel like I'm flitting from thought to thought in my head without landing anywhere, or just like everything is a slog. (In my head I call this “bog snorkeling” now — I read a story about it last year (it's actually a thing!) and thought, YES, that's what my head feels like half the time.) We've offered a lot of tips on focus over the years — it's a big sign that something else is going on when these tips don't help me.

2. Sneaky Sign of Burnout #2: You're Overwhelmed, All The Time

This feels like it's different than lack of focus, but the two are definitely related. For me, overwhelm is when I feel like I have a ton of work to do and I can't identify ways to break it down into smaller chunks — or when I do break it down into smaller chunks I can't finish them past something like 90%, which in itself is frustrating. Then you have a million almost-finished to-do list items, and that gets frustrating. 

{related: how to deal with overwhelm}

3. Burnout Sign #3: Nothing Is Joyful

I'm a sarcastic, pessimistic person by nature — but when my response to every.single.thing (even things that might have been exciting or joyful once) is to roll my eyes or blow past the temporary, fleeting good feeling and focus on the overwhelm, I know that I'm getting burned out.

{related: how to revamp your attitude and get your groove back}

These are some of our favorite funny books if you're looking for brain candy reads…

4. My Fourth Sign of Burnout: I Have Problems Sleeping

I sometimes get waking insomnia, where I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep — but honestly, that is more a symptom of full-blown burnout. The early, sneaky signs of burnout look different for me — my sleeping problems look like bad choices. I stay up too late, I pick up the book after I should be sleeping, I don't put my phone or iPad down. It's like I can't disconnect from the day (or what feels to me like precious free time) enough to settle my mind and go to bed. Like I am choosing to let exhaustion overtake me rather than to willingly drift off to sleep.

{related: here's our last discussion on professional women and insomnia, as well as how to investigate when you're exhausted and have no energy}

Like I mentioned above, when I notice these things I try to commit to better sleep and hydration, do something small like schedule a massage or a night out with friends or my husband, and focus on parts of my life that don't stress me out or make me feel quite so put-upon. 

Some great sleep aids if you're struggling with sleep issues

How about you, readers — what are your sneaky signs of burnout?

Stock photo via Shutterstock / Jason Salmon

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Dealing with Anxiety (Post-Interview Or Otherwise) https://corporette.com/dealing-with-anxiety-post-interview-or-otherwise/ https://corporette.com/dealing-with-anxiety-post-interview-or-otherwise/#comments Sat, 24 Mar 2018 18:04:42 +0000 https://corporette.com/?p=13917

A reader wrote in after a job interview: "I think it went well, but I'm so anxious. ... [W]hat to do with anxiety while waiting to hear back about a job?"

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a woman with her head in her hands; she has a messy bun and is sitting in front of a laptop and a notebook

Reader M had a question about post-interview anxiety, something I notice coming up in the comment threads a lot…

I had a second round interview this week, and I'm waiting to hear back. The job is working in-house for a big company. Their legal team is spread throughout their offices, so my first interview was with HR, then my second interview was with their VP Legal Counsel and another Senior Counsel attorney.

I think it went well, but I'm so anxious. My first question is what to do with anxiety while waiting to hear back about a job? My second question is if anyone has stories from successful interviews that might shed light on whether or not it went well.

graphic reads "LOOSEN UP. UNBEND. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. - MAE WEST."

The wonderful thing about interviewing for jobs outside your own company is that they have no idea what a stressball you may be after the interview. (Of course, for jobs inside the company you have to keep your cool, which is even tougher — but hopefully less stress-inducing given that you can “read” the personalities better and they know you better.)

There are two interesting questions here: what to do to ease post-interview anxiety, and how to know if an interview went well. I'll take the second one first.

{related: how to focus on work when your mind is elsewhere}

How to know an interview went so well that you'll get the job: You can't. Unless you know the interviewer (or the interviewers), you really won't have any idea if things went well.

I've been on some interviews that I thought went laughably bad (and then was offered the position) and some that I thought went over-the-moon great (and then didn't get the position). (I fondly remember one interview, during interview week at law school: I sat down, prepared to talk about the law firm, and was shocked when the interviewer said “Yeah, so, based on your first year grades and the fact that you're on law review, we're going to extend an offer. Can I answer any questions you have?” — couldn't they all be so easy?)

But interview success depends on that fine mix of who else is interviewing for the position, what the company is looking for (which may be something as simple as “someone different than the last person to hold this job” in ways that you can't really identify), what MOOD the interviewer is in, where they are in the interview process (too early and they may not have figured out what they want; too late and it may just be a polite gesture).

So how do you handle interviews? You focus on what you can control: you. You give the best interview you can, you prepare as much as you can, you follow up to the extent that you feel comfortable (there is a wide spectrum, on both sides, of what is “go getter” versus “pushy”) — and you let the cards fall where they may. It isn't necessarily a personal reflection on you if you don't get the job.

{related: how to cope with an emotional hangover}

But all of this is easier said than done — the anxiety after an interview can be intense. We've talked about the best ways to relax after a stressful day before, and now might be a great time to reopen that discussion.

Our Top Tips for Dealing with Post-Interview Anxiety (or Other Anxiety!)

I think general stress is one thing, but I think of anxiety as really strong stress that is triggered by one particular situation or one thing, which you probably can't do anything about.

Personally, I do the following kinds of things when I'm anxious, particularly with post-interview anxiety:

silhouette of woman running at dusk or dawn; she is wearing a hat with a brim

Dealing with Anxiety Trick #1: EXERCISE

A walk, a run, a good aerobics workout — it's amazing how I can feel my shoulders and neck “unlock” in the middle of the workout. You carry so much stress with you, and you don't even realize it.

two women laughing at a bar

Trick #2: Make dates with a lot of friends.

This way you keep occupied enough that you don't dwell on the post-interview anxiety too long, and by seeing a lot of different people you won't drive any one person crazy with your own anxiety.

In my experience, I've found that friends have to be very, very close to sit through more than 3 conversations about the same stress points, especially when there a) is no clear way to resolution, or b) they've suggested things to handle the situation (more appropriate where it's boyfriend- or family-related stress) and you haven't taken the advice.

pink book cover titled Love on the Brain; it shows a woman with purple hair being carried by a man wearing a black t-shirt;there are books and a science-y object in the background (Jupiter, probably?)

Trick #3 to dealing with anxiety: Find your brain candy.

When I'm stressed, I find that focusing my full brain power on anything else seems impossible. So I turn to things that I call brain candy — reality TV shows or easy-to-read books that are well-written but lurid enough to suck me in.

I just devoured (again) Julia Quinn's Bridgerton series,* and Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse mysteries* always capture my attention. I particularly find that these books are great before bedtime, because they get my mind away from things that are stressing me out. See all of our list of running selections here, including the best methods to deal with anxiety through laughter like light, funny tv-shows!

Update: some of the more recent funny books I've enjoyed include:

handwritten list in notebook reads 1), 2), 3), 4)

Kat's weird way to deal with post-interview anxiety: Make lists.

Maybe I'm alone here, but lists sometime help me solidify my thinking. I've used them to nail down what I'm worried about (you'll be amazed at how the list goes on once you start writing them down), and to make pros and cons lists to remember that there are both pluses and minuses to getting the situation.

I find that lists are also helpful to realize that some of the thoughts in my head can be kind of silly when I'm stressed — particularly with post-interview anxiety stress. For example, write out “this one job will make or break my entire career” — see, doesn't that look fairly silly? (This isn't to say that there aren't hugely important, singular opportunities — things like a Supreme Court clerkship, for example. But those are few and far between, and if you have gotten to the interview point on something like that, your career already sounds golden.) 

{related: the best lists that are weirdly useful}

woman sleeping on pillow

Another great way to deal with anxiety: SLEEP.

Everything looks better in the morning. We've talked a lot about sleep hygiene over the years if you're having problems falling asleep, or waking up in the middle of the night…

red sign with a cross through a person holding up a hand to STOP.

Final tip on dealing with anxiety: Avoid anxiety loops

Every so often, I let myself get overwhelmed by stressful, anxious thoughts, and I go into what I call “anxiety loops” — StressPointA takes me to slightly-related StressPointB which takes me to slightly-related StressPointC (and so forth) which leads me back to A.

When I find myself caught in a loop, I can't actually make any decisions or come to a helpful point of view — I just get panicked and frenzied, leading to sleepness nights and totally unproductive days. Avoiding the loop is critical — getting enough sleep (see above re: brain candy and exercise), keeping occupied, etc.

I also try to avoid too much “alone in my head” time when I'm in one of those moods — I once broke down in tears in a yoga class because my brain was looping.

(Once you're in a loop, well… a glass of wine may help you ease up or cause you to loop further; it really depends on you and the moment.

If you find yourself frequently in this situation, talk to your doctor because there may be a prescription that can help, either on a sometimes basis or an every day basis. Be careful, though: anxiety drugs can be very addictive, so don't borrow a friend's pill — talk to your doctor about them, and follow his or her instructions.)

{related: how to deal with overwhelm}

woman getting hot stone massage; heated black stones are on a naked woman's back

Temporary relief for anxiety: treat yourself to a massage!

A full massage is great if you can swing it; otherwise I often spend time using a shoulder and back massager similar to these.

Psst: some of our favorite home massage products include this reader-recommended back massager, this shoulder massager (similar), and this mini massage gun. Along similar lines, this $6 scalp massager is soothing, and these toe stretchers are actually better than most foot massage products.

As noted above, coloring books for adults are great for dealing with “looming doom” overwhelm — these are some of our favorites: 

Coloring Books for Adults

Pictured, great coloring books for adults: one / two / three / four
also: recommended pencils & markers

Readers, what do you do when you're trying to relax from anxiety, either from a job interview or from a particularly stressful situation? What are your best tips for dealing with post-interview anxiety (or otherwise)?

And, do you have any fun interview stories to share — times you knew you nailed it, or wondered how it could go so wrong?

Updated imagery via Stencil.

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Crying at Work: How to Deal https://corporette.com/crying-at-work/ https://corporette.com/crying-at-work/#comments Thu, 21 Apr 2016 15:45:13 +0000 https://corporette.com/?p=57356

How do you keep from crying at work, whether due to personal reasons or as a reaction to something work-related? What are your best tips to prevent it, explain it if it happens, and clean up your face once you're done?

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woman stands silhouetted against a sunset with oranges, pinks and purples; she has her arms wrapped around herself and is facing away from the camera

OK, ladies and gents, let's discuss: How do you keep from crying at work, whether due to personal reasons or as a reaction to something work-related? What are your best tips to prevent it, explain it if it happens, and clean up your face once you're done?

First, in case it needs to be said: No one's judging anyone when you're crying about some horrible recent news — the death of a loved one, for example. But there can be a huge sliding scale of appropriateness and acceptability at different offices, depending on your boss, your team members, and so forth.

{related: how to get a poker face at work}

Yep, I've Cried at Work

I can remember two times that I cried at my BigLaw job, although I'm sure there were more. The first time, I was working lateish (8PM maybe), with hours to go on a project that I had to be at the office for and got into a fight on the phone with my father. I hung up in anger and literally crawled under my desk to sob, hoping it (and my closed door) would muffle the sounds.

The second time, as I've mentioned before, was the time I missed my best friend's wedding because of work. We had to meet a deadline at 5PM on a Friday, and my BFF's last-minute, mostly-family wedding was slated for noon the next day — in London. My bosses and I had discussed the situation, and everyone (including me) agreed I had to stay. This didn't do anything to alleviate my self-pity (and self-fury). On Friday, in a meeting with the partner and senior associate, the partner brought it up again in what struck me as a daffy way (gee, such a pity you couldn't find a commercial flight!) and I lost it.

Tears flowed onto my suit — hell, probably onto the partner's fancy rug — although I maintained my composure as far as breathing was concerned. The meeting ended with neither the partner nor senior associate directly mentioning my distress. Later the senior associate came to my office, nearly crying herself, and shut the door and told me to feel free to let my anger out. I sputtered something about being SO. FRUSTRATED. WITH. MY. LIFE. but that I'd get over it.

Telling both of these stories now is mortifying — but I know I'm not the only one. (Um, right?)

How to Stop Yourself from Crying at Work

So: what the hell do you do to stop this annoying show of emotion? One friend told me that he sang the MacGyver song to himself whenever he felt overwhelmed by his feelings. The best practice regarding crying at work is probably to hold it together long enough to get out of the building and go for a walk or even to a public bathroom like a Starbucks and have it out.

Of course, it helps to get adequate rest and relaxation — if you're sleep deprived and stressed it primes you for crazy emotions. We've also talked before about how to mitigate hormonal mood swings, such as with calcium. Keep your blood sugar stable and eat foods for energy at work, stay hydrated, and try to fit exercise into your day, like with lunch workouts.

Also, I'm curious to hear what readers think about this: is age a component to controlling your emotions? Or does one just get jaded, or perhaps have lowered expectations, as you get older? I find that I rarely cry these days, or if I do it comes on like a flash and then is over. I suppose in general it's good advice to everyone who is very emotional to take a close look at your expectations for the situation, and make sure they're set at appropriate levels. 

How to Pull Yourself Together After Crying at Work

As far as cleanup after crying at work: Visine plus one of those cold gel face masks is the best advice I've got. Running cold water over your wrists (or pressing something cool against them, like a soda can) can also help get the redness out of your skin. Feel free to use Visine liberally, either by squirting it onto a tissue or directly onto other red, puffy parts of your skin: as a vasoconstrictor, it narrows blood vessels and can make skin look less red. After the day is done, check out some of our tips for how to turn a bad work day around.

Ladies, what are your best tips for avoiding crying at work? (God, I'm not the only one with these stories, am I?) What makes a “junior employee crying at her desk” story better or worse? If she carries on afterward as if nothing happened? If she explains it later? Also, what are your best tips for cleaning yourself up after crying at work?

Further reading:

  • Do You Have to Control Your Emotions to Be Professional? [Ask a Manager]
  • How to Look Like You Weren’t Just Crying in Less Than Five Minutes [Rookie]
  • Big Girls Do Cry, and That's OK [Boston Globe]
  • What 15 Female Leaders Really Think About Crying At Work [The Huffington Post]
  • When It's Okay To Cry At Work (And When It Isn't) [Fast Company]
  • 7 Steps to Avoid Crying in the Workplace [The Muse]

Stock photo update via Stencil (woman in front of sunset). Originally pictured.

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The F@#$ Off Fund https://corporette.com/the-f-off-fund/ https://corporette.com/the-f-off-fund/#comments Mon, 29 Feb 2016 17:58:17 +0000 https://corporette.com/?p=56153

Do you have an F-off fund? Is it separate from your emergency fund? Do you keep it a secret from your partner?

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pink piggy bank sits on a pile of gold coins

Something that everyone seems to be talking about is the concept of the “f$*@#$ off fund” — the original piece in Billfold went viral, and I've seen it popping up everywhere in conversation from FreeKesha stories to the discussion of that Yelp employee who got fired after complaining about her salary publicly (here's Ask a Manager's brief link to get you started on that drama).

For those of you who haven't yet read it, in the article, a hypothetical woman has to stay with an abusive boyfriend and a sexually aggressive boss because she doesn't have the money to leave or quit.

Here's the core of the article, but note two things: a) the original is worthy of the 6 minutes Billfold helpfully tells us it will take to read it, and b) warning: language ahead.

If any man ever hit you, if anyone ever sexually harassed you, you’d tell him to fuck right off. You want to be, no, you will be the kind of woman who can tell anyone to fuck off if a fuck off is deserved, so naturally you start a Fuck Off Fund.

To build this account, you keep living like you lived as a broke student. Drive the decade-old Civic even after the fender falls off. Buy the thrift store clothes. You waitress on Saturdays, even though you work Monday through Friday. You make do with the garage sale coffee table. It’s hard, your loan payments suck, but you make girl’s night an at-home thing and do tacos potluck.

So let's discuss: ladies, do you have an F-off fund? Is it separate from your emergency fund? Do you keep it a secret from your partner? Would you touch your retirement funds if the situation required it? What advice would you give to younger women starting from zero?

For my $.02 – call me a capitalist, but I've always appreciated a correlation between money and freedom, and have done what it took to save money even on a low salary, including (in my early 20s) bringing for lunch a raw potato and a slice of American cheese (we had a microwave at the office).

Having money in the bank — not tied up in assets like cars or houses — means you can make the best career choice for you (and leave a bad situation, or take your time to find the right situation), and, yes, leave a bad romantic situation.

graphic, text reads SHARE YOUR MONEY SNAPSHOT WITH US!; in blue background there are icons of money-related images like credit cards, piggy banks, money bags, coin purses, and more

Psst: In honor of this series' original title, Tales from the Wallet — here's a wallet we love!

I've talked before about how my husband and I are Common Potters as far as money management goes (to use the parlance of an old, great Slate series), but I do keep some accounts from before we were married that could become my F-off fund if needed. That money is in stocks and funds, but not in a retirement vehicle.

For those of you who don't have such accounts, you may want to consider the Sometime Sharer method of married money management (where you each keep a set percentage of your income and move it to private accounts, with the other percentage going to a joint account), or you may want to weigh the penalties for taking money out early from retirement vehicles like 401Ks and IRAs.

Ladies, what are your thoughts on the subject?

Pictured.

The post The F@#$ Off Fund appeared first on Corporette.com.

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