Hot on the heels of yesterday's post about money and priorities, I thought it might be interesting to ask: How much help do you have in your life? Do you have a killer assistant at work whom you rely on for a lot of gatekeeping/scheduling needs? Do you have a cleaning service, lawn service, snow removal service, etc.? Do you use a personal shopper? Is there a paid caregiver in your life, such as a nanny or au pair? Do you have an unpaid helper like a parent or sibling, either for childcare or meal prep or scheduling? Do you regularly use virtual assistant services? Do you have a personal assistant or chef, or have you found other ways to get help with those tasks, such as hiring someone local to meal prep for you or keeping a subscription to a meal delivery service? How about a personal trainer, or a headhunter who's been extraordinarily helpful over more than just one job?

{psst: Check out this discussion over at CorporetteMoms, where there was a much bigger focus on childcare helpers.}

We've talked about a lot of this on the blog before, but I'd love to hear about your current situation… some of our previous discussions include:

• How to Hire an Assistant at the Office (and How to Delegate To Your Assistant)
• I Tried To Use Virtual Assistants to Delegate Family Tasks – Here's How It Went
• How to Hire a Personal Trainer
• How to Hire a Cleaning Service
• How to Level Up Your Childcare
• How to Upgrade Personal Services
• How to Hire a Housekeeper or House Manager (inspired by this amazing Medium article listing all the help a self-made millionaire has at home)
• How to Use a Personal Assistant (with tips from a friend who actually used to be a personal assistant to a a wealthy businessman)
• Have Your Parents Helped You In Your Career? (This was a fun discussion, based on a study that found that post-college, 75% of parents were reminding children of deadlines and making appointments for them.)

Readers, I'd love to hear from you, though — how much help do you have in your life, from nannies to work assistants to personal shoppers or trainers or others? What has made the biggest impact? Has it changed through the years, e.g., before or after children, marriage, certain jobs, or more?

Stock photo via Stencil.

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Update: Administrative Professionals Day is April 24, 2024. Some great gifts to get for your administrative professional (other than cash, of course) include:

Administrative Professionals Day is soon! We haven't talked about it in too long, but I'd love to hear how things have changed regarding your support staff over the past year — if you work with an administrative assistant, please chime in!

I know a lot of readers have noted the disappearance of the administrative assistants from their workplace, even before the pandemic. According to The WSJ in January 2020, there had been an almost 40% decline since 2000:

More than 1.6 million secretarial and administrative-assistant jobs have vanished since 2000, according to federal data, an almost 40% decline, comparable to that in manufacturing. The losses haven’t garnered much notice. Unlike a plant closing that leaves thousands of Americans unemployed in one go, jobs in a traditionally female sector have evaporated in dribs and drabs.

I'm sure the move to remote work further condensed things for a lot of offices — I cringed at the SNL skit about secretaries struggling with a Zoom call.

That said, I saw a really interesting TikTok from Dr. Kimberly Douglass, who talks a lot about neurodivergence, ADHD, and similar issues in the workforce. She was noting that the elimination of administrative support makes things harder for people who struggle with focus and attention.

Her point was that spending time and energy to do things like remembering events, hosting events, and making travel arrangements can be draining — and she encouraged her followers to seriously look at the absence or presence of administrative support when considering new jobs or accommodations for a current position.

So if you do still have an administrative assistant, show him or her some gratitude next week!

Some great gifts to get for your administrative professional (other than cash, of course) include:

Readers, let's hear from you — do you work with an administrative assistant or have another form of administrative support? How has that changed if you've been working remotely? (Do you see truth in Dr. Douglass's thoughts on administrative support?)

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2020 Update: Wondering what are the best secretary gifts? Check out our latest gallery of gift ideas, below. Some great standbys include cash, this cardigan, these earrings, or some of our favorite little purchases that make our life better. 

We still stand by this advice on secretary gifts, but you may also want to check out all of our posts on holiday business etiquette.

What sort of gifts are you getting for your secretary or assistant this year? In our last poll, the majority of people noted that they just gave their assistants and secretaries cash for a holiday present. Still, a small, personalized gift in ADDITION to the cash gift is a nice touch (time and budget permitting, of course) — it shows your assistant you really do care about him or her. So today I thought I'd round up a few small gift ideas to accompany that larger cash gift. (Note that Above the Law‘s discussion on how much to give is more recent than ours — I agree with their New York rule of thumb of taking your seniority and multiplying it by $100, but know your office.)

2021 Updated Secretary Gift Ideas:

1. Flowers are a classic for this kind of gift — not only does it gift your assistant with something nice, but it lets everyone in the office know that you did too. (Better for birthdays, I suppose — it puts everyone on notice that it's your assistant's birthday!) I've always run to the most local florist, but if I were up for flower delivery, I'd try this new company, The Bouqs. I saw them on Shark Tank, and while (as far as I remember) none of the investors were impressed, I was impressed enough to look them up. Their pitch is $40 flat fee, free delivery, no hidden fees. The flowers are “farm fed by volcanic ice melt and mineral-rich soil,” and you can set up a concierge service to remember your choices (and get a 25% discount). They now send the next day (which I think was the Sharks' big sticking point; previously you needed to order a lot further in advance.)
2. Know your giftee, but: a luxe version of their favorite snack food can be a great way to show that you're paying attention and you appreciate them. These double-dipped caramel pretzels look ah-ma-zing, and they're only $12 today.
3. If your assistant loves her daily cuppa, this tea for one gift set looks amazing — I know it would make me happy every day. I first saw it over at ShopBop‘s gift guide, but C.Wonder has it as part of its sitewide sale for 30% off (bringing it down to $33).
4. This little porcelain tray is only $10, and I love the idea of it near a computer monitor — it's bright and happy, would be a nice spot to put jewelry that your assistant might take off during the day (earrings on phone calls, for example, or bracelets while typing), or even just a great place to put the myriad things that accumulate on your desk. Note that some letters are back-ordered.
5. A wristlet is always a great gift for an office friend — they can keep their change, lunch discount cards, and a lip gloss in it, and add their credit card, cash, and phone to it when they grab it for their lunch run. I think Fossil makes some of the best budget leather bags and accessories around, and they have a number of cute wristlets — this scarlet one is bright and happy and only $45.
6. I'm kind of in love with this Kate Spade planner — Amazon has a bunch of cute ones.

Readers, what are you getting for your assistant's holiday present this year? If you're giving cash, how much (and please note WHERE in the country you are, and if there's an easy identifier for your kind of office (“BigLaw,” Big Four, Forbes 500 company, whatever), please include that.

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2017 Update: We still stand by this advice on how to deal with difficult coworkers, but you may also want to check out our more recent advice on how to deal with extreme coworkers. 

How do you deal with difficult coworkers, such as those who are overemotional or throw temper tantrums? Should the strategies for dealing with difficult coworkers differ if it's a small office versus a big one? Reader M has a great question about dealing with an assistant prone to temper tantrums:

I've seen several postings about crying at work, but my question is about how to deal with temper tantrums. I have been at my 9-attorney firm for a year. The partner's legal assistant also works for me. Several times, she has gotten so frustrated with the printer or other machines that she slams or throw things. Offering to help has not worked. How to respectfully deal with the inappropriate behavior? (This partner is rarely in the office, and the other does not get involved.) Or ignore it?

WOW. I've heard a lot about screamers in law firms (and have dealt with a few myself, even ducking a few flying redwelds and binders) but they were always high-level, super valuable employees — and I must say I always thought that was why they were able to get away with such behavior. Specialized knowledge, good relationships with clients, unique insights — but I've never heard of a fungible, easily-replaced employee throwing such tantrums and expecting to stay in their job. So I think you have to approach this with the presumption that she is NOT easily replaced, and if you make too many waves about this (as the new hire) then you will be the easier one to replace. A few quick ideas for how to deal:

• Try to understand why she gets away with this behavior. Does she run the partner's office in such a way that it would be too difficult to onboard a new employee? Does she have a relationship with someone at the office (familial or otherwise) that might make her difficult to fire? All I'm saying is, if she knows where the bodies are buried, there's no real hope of getting her terminated or changing her behavior.
• Ask yourself why it bothers you. Of course her behavior is unprofessional and childish, but putting that aside: Do her tantrums leave messes that she doesn't clean up (or then distract her from other work), or are her destructive temper tantrums loud enough that it's difficult to concentrate? Do you worry it looks bad to clients who may be in the office? Those are all solid reasons to go to one of your shared bosses or discuss with her directly.
• Keep her at arm's length. Get what you need from her, stay polite, but don't try to change her or otherwise really influence the situation. Think of the serenity prayer, which can sometimes apply to a lot of small office politics: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
• Move on. Keep an eye out for other job opportunities.

Ladies — have you encountered any difficult coworkers like these? What was your solution, or what would your advice be to reader M? 

Pictured: I couldn't decide whether to go with the Gaad-kicking-Mail-Robot scene from The Americans or the scene from Office Space where the guys kill the printer (or, ha, was it a fax machine?) — so here are links to gifs of both.

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Update: Administrative Professionals Day is April 24, 2024. Some great gifts to get for your administrative professional (other than cash, of course) include:

Do you socialize with your assistant or secretary? Do you consider him or her to be among your work friends? Or do you keep your relationship with staffers friendly but avoid turning it into an actual friendship? If the relationship has swung too far towards “friendship,” how do you bring it back to “collegial”? Reader N wonders…

How do you reformalize a working relationship with your secretary? I work in law and I have been cognizant about not talking down to my secretary, who is also a young female. I have noticed recently she has interpreted this to mean we are “friends,” which is fine. Recently, she has seemed to step up her attitude, and does not make requests of me politely. I don't want my niceness mistaken for passiveness or that she does not need to respect me the way she does others who were not as nice.

Hmmmn… tough question, Reader N! With Administrative Professionals Day observed this Wednesday it's a good time to revisit the issue. In general, I think it's fine to be friendly with staffers and other subordinates, but the closer the relationship gets, the more complicated it gets. 

One reader wrote to us a while ago where she was the only female lawyer, and the group of female secretaries was being very welcoming — in that case, where she already had an uphill battle to be/feel accepted with the other lawyers, I think she was right to keep her distance.

Outside of that circumstance, friendship with subordinates can also be complicated because if the assistant screws up, needs redirection or criticism, or just generally needs firmer deadlines and oversight, all of that is easier to do with an arm's length, professional relationship, without adding more intense emotions of doubt and betrayal (“but I thought we were friends” / “why is my friend betraying me”).

(We had a great discussion on whether a boss should be respected vs. liked just last year.)

As to reader N's question, how can you bring an office friendship with an assistant back to a collegial relationship? I'm curious to hear what the readers say here, but I think the answer is “very carefully.” My $.02 tips:

Be wary of public/private distinction. If it's just the two of you and she's trying to be sassy or cute, or is allowing her bad mood to show through to you, that's one thing and, I think, common between two people who work together. If you feel whatever she's doing is undermining you in front of clients, supervisors, or subordinates, though, you need to sit her down and talk to her in a formal setting, i.e. sitting in your office sitting opposite your desk, or in a conference room across the table — definitely not at lunch or said casually while working side-by-side on something.

(You may want to loop in HR before you say anything to her.) If whatever she's doing is really annoying to you and out of line, even if it's in private, you may want to say something to her also.

Keep all talk related to the office. If you've told her anything about your personal life, assess if you've told her too much — she's not your therapist, she's your assistant. Tell her what you need to to give her context (“my family may be calling a lot today because my grandmother is ill; please patch them through immediately if you can”), but stop it at a few sentences.

If she's telling you too much about her personal life, try to shut it down and steal some tips from our chatty boss discussion. For example, send something to the printer as soon as she comes in your office so you can escort her out and walk down the hallway with her to get it.

If you see her outside the office, keep your relationship collegial. Keep any personal discussion to 2-3 sentences. I think this applies whether it's an office happy hour, or if you happen to have some shared activity outside of work (e.g., spin class, or a kids' soccer team, or something), in which case it's fine to talk about the activity at hand for whatever time is needed.

Especially since Reader N is trying to dial the relationship back from Friend to Coworker, I would avoid any outings where it's just the two of you — i.e., if you've been going out to lunch or for drinks together, lay off that behavior.

Ladies, what are your thoughts? Where is the line between collegial/too friendly — and how do you dial it back if someone's stepped over the line? Do you think it's harder/easier to manage friends?

(In other news: for those of you with assistants, what are you getting for your assistant for Administrative Professionals' Day this year? Here's a link to our last discussion on that topic.) 

Further reading:

• Can a Manager and Employees Be Friends? [The Fast Track]
• Be the Boss, Not a Friend [Fortune]
• Can the Boss Be a Friend? [Poynter]
• It's Time to End Secretaries Day (by Alison Green of Ask a Manager) [U.S. News & World Report]

Pictured.

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Ladies: let's talk about the art of delegating work to your secretary, assistant, or another third party. More and more I feel like knowing how to delegate is key to success in work and life — you can't micromanage everything. Besides, if you bill by the hour, remember that your client doesn't want to pay, say, $500 an hour for someone to photocopy something! 

So: what tasks do you delegate? How did you learn how to delegate, and what are your best tips for women thinking about what they should assign to others? (Previously: we've talked about how to show your appreciation to a great assistant, and when to fire a bad assistant, as well as apps like Fiverr that let you delegate some things to third parties.)

For my $.02, for working women with an assistant, I'd seriously look at delegating tasks like:

• scheduling calls and conferences
• booking conference rooms
• booking travel
• photocopying
• entering handwritten changes (to be reviewed by you later on a redline)
• transcribing dictated documents/emails/letters
• taking notes / processing notes so they're part of the file
• expenses
• entering time sheets
• filing

For people working with a direct subordinate, such as a 4th year attorney assigned to manage a 1st year attorney on a case, you can expand further. Remember, this is part of how your subordinate will learn and grow; no one likes a boss who won't delegate.

(Note though, that if you're vaguely senior to someone, rather than a direct manager, there's a really fine line with assigning work. When I was just starting out I once had someone who held the same title as me (but had been there about a year longer) try to assign me some of her work… which I didn't appreciate.)

• doing a first pass on documents, emails, briefings
• doing research for important points / fact-checking research someone else has done
• following up with clients to ask questions or clarify things

In your personal life, of course, you can delegate a ton as well, freeing time up for other things. For example:

• hire a cleaning service or cleaning professional
• hire a travel agent
• send your laundry out to be done

Lately I've come to look at internet shopping as a form of delegation. Instead of heading to the store to pick things out I (sometimes) pay for them to send me things for my review at my own schedule. It's hard to pay for shipping sometimes, but whether it's $6 from a clothing store or $100+ from a furniture store, it's worth it to me.

Ditto for ordering groceries online. It costs more than going to the store, but I'm effectively delegating the act of walking the aisles, hunting for ingredients, and lugging the groceries home.

Ladies, what do you delegate to an assistant, whether to an assistant or secretary or in your personal life? 

Pictured: Shutterstock / Snezana Ignjatovic. Originally pictured.

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