I was listening to a podcast with Margaret Atwood the other day, and was struck by her low voice… which kind of made me think about my MIL's low voice. And how I often lower my voice unconsciously when I'm trying to feel more authoritative, or serious. It's been far too long since we talked about executive presence, so let's discuss… what do you do to feel more authoritative? What do you intentionally — and what do you do unintentionally? When you think of authoritative, powerful women you know, what traits of theirs make them seem more authoritative?

(Incidentally, here's a fascinating New Yorker article about why we may associate lower voices with more authority — Congress limited bandwidth allotted for radio stations, and most broadcasters eventually limited their signals to a “voiceband” range that only accommodated low voices as “bare minimum amount of frequency information needed to adequately transmit speech.”)

For my $.02, here's what I do to try to feel more authoritative…

• lowering my voice (yep)
• having planned speaking points (and thinking about them as bullet points) — if it's a prepared speech having at least the first 3 minutes memorized and practiced
• having better posture (or arrange myself in the chair in what I think is an artful way)
• not fussing with my appearance, like tugging at clothes or moving my hair
• (I stink at it, but I do try to limit fillers such as “like” and “um” — and be comfortable with silence for whatever time I need to answer a question thoughtfully)

There's been a lot written over the years about how a lot of these things are sexist and based on stereotyped notions of what men with executive presence look like… so I'm interested to know if you're doing things differently.

(In terms of what traits are shared by the most authoritative, powerful people I know or have seen speak, I think it's my last point – the comfort with silence to answer a question thoughtfully. But then that's a luxury that isn't always afforded to women if you're in a meeting with people who will talk over you…)

Readers, what are your thoughts? What do you do to feel more authoritative — intentionally or unintentionally? What traits do you think make someone seem authoritative in general?

Stock photo via Deposit Photos / iakovenko123.

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How would you define “executive presence,” particularly for women? Have you worked to build your executive presence? What are your best executive presence tips? Here are some qualities of women with executive presence that Corporette readers have mentioned during conversations that have taken place in the comments:

• having a “cool, calm, and commanding” presence
• being a skilled public speaker
• appearing put-together (clothes fit well, hair is neatly styled, etc.)
• seeming “knowledgeable but not a know-it-all”
• staying cool in a crisis
• showing confidence
• having an attitude of “the buck stops with me”

Earlier this year, we discussed new research that showed that looking “put-together” and exhibiting “good grooming” can boost women's salaries (even more so than being considered attractive), and a couple of years ago we talked about a study that stated wearing more makeup makes women look more competent.

Today we'll go beyond that to take a closer look at executive presence and what it means for women leaders at work. (In the past, we've shared posts on imposter syndrome, the difference between confidence and arrogance, being taken seriously when you look young, and books and resources to help you become a leader and a better manager. We've also discussed the book The Confidence Code.)  

According to research from Sylvia Ann Hewlett, the founder and CEO of the Center for Talent Innovation, executive presence is composed of “how you act (otherwise known as gravitas, the most important quality), how you communicate, and how you look.”

A Business Insider article describes it with 7 Cs: composure, connection, charisma, confidence, credibility, clarity, and conciseness. Hewlett (whose book we link to below) says that executive presence “accounts for as much as 28 percent of a woman's success” (!).

These definitions sound straightforward enough, but cultivating executive presence requires women to walk a very fine line, thanks to the maddening contradictory messages we receive about how to act at work.

You know: If you don't ask for a raise, you're blamed for the gender wage gap, but if you ask for a raise, you're viewed as “greedy, demanding or just not very nice.” If you act with confidence and strength, you're “too aggressive” or “a bitch”; if you don't appear assertive enough, your behavior is interpreted as weakness.

(As social psychologist Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson puts it, the typical dichotomy for women is “competent and cold — that's the bitch — or warm and incompetent — the doormat who no one takes seriously.”)

Of course, this predicament extends to physical appearances, too; research shows that women with “unkempt nails” lose executive-presence points but that those with “overly done” nails are also viewed negatively.

Faced with this “damned if you do, damned if you don't” minefield, some women are paying $2,000 to $5,000 to attend special workshops on executive presence.

Putting all of that aside for a moment, here are a few concrete tips on exhibiting executive presence at work:

• From a PR professional who preps company spokespeople for media interviews and public speaking: “Overall, one of the best ways to achieve executive presence is to make everyone around you feel like he or she is the only person in the room. … Don’t hog the conversation, and don’t speak over others or interrupt. When someone is talking, maintain eye contact, lean toward her, and nod at what she’s saying. Then, thoughtfully respond to what you heard, asking good questions to show that you were paying attention. The more you listen to other people, the more they will want to listen to you.“ 
• From a CEO: “[P]repare for dinner parties by knowing something about the people [you] are going to be sitting with. This helps you be more comfortable when you meet senior people in a social setting — you can ask them questions about themselves.“ 
• From a principal at a management consulting firm: “[F]ind your voice as an executive: that is, identify your assets and leverage them to the hilt. Some people are naturally gregarious and can fill a room with their personality. Others … rely on their listening ability, sense of timing, and ability to maintain their composure when others get emotional. In an increasingly diverse world, executive presence will look very different from one executive to another.”
• From an executive coach: “Whether you’re speaking to a crowd or chatting one-on-one, you’ll have more gravitas if you speak directly, without hesitation or self-deprecation. Ask colleagues to notice the way you talk, so they can help you spot self-critical phrasing or annoying habits like starting sentences with ‘I think,' or, ‘I’m not an expert, but.' If you sound like you’re not confident of your abilities or of what you’re saying, you can’t expect others to be convinced.”
• Kat's tips: If you don't want to start by asking colleagues to notice the way you talk, you can try a few things yourself or with friends, such as asking someone to interview you and recording the interview, either with audio or video — when you watch it you'll start to see red flags like slumping, repeated hand gestures, unconscious tics like licking your lips. If you start leaving voice memos to yourself, or try to dictate memos or notes to yourself or your assistant, you'll be able to hear more red flags.

What is your definition of executive presence? What have you done to try to develop it? Do you think it's harder for women to be seen as possessing executive presence? How important do you think appearance and “grooming” are to executive presence? Have you read any books, watched any TED Talks, or gone to any workshops that teach about this?

Some must-read business books for women — update coming soon!

Further Reading:

• Amy Cuddy: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are [TED] (but also read this)
• (book) Executive Presence: The Missing Link Between Merit and Success
• (book) The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance — What Women Should Know
• What a Lack of Eye Contact Says About You, According to Science (and How to Fix It) [Inc.]
• How You Can Practice Being Confident Every Day [Forbes]

Image: Pixabay

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Here's a question, ladies: do you apply for a job if you don't meet the listed job requirements? For those of you who do, is there a general number of percentage that you use as a goal (“if I meet at least 50% of the requirements, I'll apply!”)?

For those of you who've already gone ahead and gotten the job that you weren't qualified for — share your success! How'd it go? Was there a learning curve, or did you hit the ground running?

I think often about The Confidence Code and their conclusion that “[u]nderqualified and underprepared men don’t think twice about leaning in. Overqualified and overprepared, too many women still hold back. . . . Women applied for a promotion only when they met 100 percent of the qualifications. Men applied when they met 50 percent.”

I mean, yow.

I just recently passed a job listing along to a friend that, we both agreed, was a bit of a stretch for her — she joked that she'd like to work for whoever was hired for the position, and decided not to apply for other reasons.

But the job posting itself seemed a bit absurd to me — like someone just wrote down The Perfect Candidate — and I wondered, really, how many of the listed requirements, the ultimately-hired candidate would meet.

Alison at Ask a Manager even notes that “[t]hose qualifications are a composite of someone’s idea of the ideal candidate. Believe me, they will look at people who don’t perfectly match it.”

I agree with her that you have to do a bit of extra prep before applying, such as rewording your resume to better match some of the skill sets, or even signing up to take other courses or certifications so you can at least show that forward movement is planned.

Ladies, what are your thoughts — do you apply to jobs where you don't meet the job requirements? Do you think imposter syndrome is behind this, or something else?

(Fun challenge idea (maybe): let's all apply to one job (or volunteer position) for which we're only 50% qualified sometime in the next 6 months, and all report back on how it goes.)

Further reading:

• How to Get Hired If You're Under-qualified [Ask A Manager]
• Should You Apply for a Job You're Not Qualified For? [The Muse]
• 3 Steps to Applying for a Job When You Don't Meet the Requirements [Newsweek]
• Why Women Don't Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified [Harvard Business Review]
• Study: Women Do Not Apply To ‘Male-Sounding' Jobs [TIME]

Updated images (2021; “Help Wanted” sign) via Stencil. Originally pictured.

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What's the difference between confidence and arrogance, especially at work, especially for women? How can you tell if you've crossed that line at work? Reader A wonders…

I've got a sensitive subject that I haven't seen discussed about discipline at work. I was recently hired at a law office where I've summered the last two summers doing litigation.

At work I was called into the hiring managers office and told the following. Hiring Manager is one of my biggest supporters. He thinks my career can take me far beyond where most people go in their careers into the top division. However, a couple of my evaluations from supervisors from the summer thought I sometimes acted arrogant. He said he didn't think I was arrogant but that some things I said at my interview danced the line between confident and arrogant and raised red flags. He said he only brought it up because he didn't want to not say something in case it became an issue in the future.

Any insight on responding beyond thanking him for telling me and thanking him for supporting me?

Interesting question, reader A. We've talked about how to be professional without looking like you think you're in charge, as well as stressed the importance of being humble and grateful when you're networking with older people — but we haven't talked about what to do when you're told you're arrogant.

(On the flip side, we've talked about how to take a compliment, as well as a lot about a lack of confidence; we had a discussion about the book The Confidence Code and we've shared posts on facing fear and low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, and doing work you feel unprepared for.) I have a few thoughts, but I'm curious what readers will say.

• This might be a gender treatment issue — i.e., a man could do the same things you're doing, but you get called “arrogant” because you're a woman. The Pantene ad comes to mind, as do some of the recent issues raised by the Ellen Pao trial (see this Slate article, for example) or some discussions about arrogance and deference at the New York Fed (see The Baffler article). When you're the low person on the totem pole, and early in your career and this particular job, though, I suggest you act like it isn't a gender treatment issue. Don't get caught up too much in whether it's fair or it isn't, because there isn't too much, at this stage, that you can do beyond getting a new job.
• Ask for more information from your Hiring Manager. What particular actions or attitudes are causing people to think you're arrogant? What specific situations can he give you?
• Look for the kernel of truth, and modify your behavior accordingly. Here's the important thing: looking at those situations and those actions, does any of it ring “arrogant” to you? If you agree you've crossed the line from confidence into arrogance, modify your actions. Do you interrupt people? Do you give lengthy thoughts in situations where, as the junior person in the room, you should be brief or silent? (Particularly in meetings with clients, or with several high billers so it's an “expensive” meeting.) Do you consider some work to be “beneath you”? I remember once while assigning a bunch of document review to a group of first years, one of the guys said something like, “Uh, ok, I'm really more of a big picture guy.” Afterwards, the senior people (of which I was one of the more junior ones) chortled, “Ha, yeah, we'll just tell the $1000-per-hour partner to go take a break then.”
• If you don't agree, though, assess the personalities involved. Now that you have more information from the Hiring Manager, do you know who said these things about you? Can you figure it out (or ask your Hiring Manager directly)? Once you know who thought you were arrogant, you can decide to either hedge your behavior around him or her — or, if you can, work with other people instead.

Readers, what are your thoughts? How should a young woman react when her boss gives her feedback that she is “arrogant”? Where do you think the line is between being confident at work — and being arrogant? 

Further reading:

• The Secret to Being Confident (Without Being Arrogant) [The Muse]
• 10 Ways to Tell if You're Confident – or Arrogant [The Ladders]
• Let’s Roar! How to Promote Yourself without Sounding Arrogant [NAPW]

(Originally pictured at top: Dark clouds threatening, originally uploaded to Flickr by Vincent Vandevelde. 2019 image updates (dark cloud over field) via Stencil.) 

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Liking these posts? Follow Corporette on Twitter — this is the edited version of what we’re reading! (We also Tweet if we hear about a good sale.)

– We're kind of against this kind of analysis, but we would be remiss if we didn't point you to WaPo's critique of Sonia Sotomayor's fashion choices, followed by Fashionista's and Jezebel's critiques of the WaPo for not running similar stories about Alito or Roberts.

– Fake it till you make it: The Simple Dollar advises on ten ways to improve your appearance of confidence.

– The Harvard Business Blog advises how to be super productive at work. (Hat tip to Lifehacker.)

– The Frugal Duchess breaks down Kiplinger‘s annoying slideshow on when to save money, on what.

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